Cr8zeelala's Journals

Somethin you might notta knew =P

"Behold,the former things have come to pass,And new things I declare; Before they spring forth I tell you of them."

--Isaiah 42:9

101 Last Days Prophecies:

1) False Bible teachers would bring in heresies,have many followers,and cause others to reject God's Word (2 Peter 2:1-2) It is very common today to find people who reject the Bible out of hand because they have heard it misrepresented by a false teacher.

2) These false prophets would be money hungry,smooth talkers (2 Peter 2:3).A growing number of TV evangelists epitomize this.They twist the Scriptures,using misleading words,to make merchandise of you.

3) The Christian gospel would be preached as a witness to all nations (Matthew 24:14;Mark 13:10;Revelation 14:6).Today, portions of the Bible have been translated into over 2,300 languages and dialects covering over 90% of the world's population.

4) Global communications foreseen (Revelation 11:9-10;17:8). The Bible prophesies that the entire world will "see" certain events unfold. The invention of the television and the deployment of global satellite networks during the 20th century allow news to travel the world at the speed of light for the first time ever. Remember that in the apostle John's day,news traveled at the speed of horseback.

5) Mankind would be capable of destroying all life (Matthew 24:21-22). Consider that when Jesus made this prophecy the armaments of His day were swords and spears. But today,with nuclear,biological,and chemical weapons,it is possible to wipe out all flesh on planet earth.

6) The use of nuclear weapons anticipated (Zechariah 14:12). The neutron bomb melts (dissolves) its victims--just as God warned 2500 years ago-- "Their flesh shall disolve while they stand on their feet,Their eyes shall dissolve in their sockets, And their tongues shall dissolve in their mouths". This was unimaginable in Zechariah's day.

7) There would be a global cry for peace (1 Thessalonians 5:3). Never has there been such a concerted,global effort to bring about peace at any cost as there is today.

8) The Antichrist would use (false) peace to destroy many (Daniel 8:23-25). With all the problems facing mankind, multitudes are looking for a "savior" to usher in peace and prosperity without moral accountability. The Antichrist will promise the world and Israel such a peace if they follow him-- but his intentions will be sinister.

9) In the last days Israel would have a peace treaty in place that the Antichrist will confirm and eventually break (Daniel 9:27). Currently the world's governments are striving for an Israeli peace treaty.

10) Damascus would be destroyed (Isaiah 17:1,14;Jeremiah 49:23-27;Amos 1;3-5;Zechariah 9:1-8). Damascus,Syria is increasingly in the news and is extremely anti-Semitic. Many terrorist organizations have their bases in Damascus. God declares that they will become a ruinous heap because they have violently taken what is not theirs.

11) Chaotic weather would be prevalent (Luke 21:25-26). Jesus foresaw "the seas and the waves roaring" in the last days. He also likened these signs to birth pangs (Matthew 24:8). The Greek word odin,often translated as sorrows in Matthew 24:8,literally means birth pangs. Furthermore,the apostle Paul reminded us that creation itself will be delivered from the curse at the end of the age (Romans 8:21).And that "the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs" (Romans 8:22). As delivery draws near,birth pangs always increase in both intensity and frequency. Therefore,the creation itself would travail as the time of delivery draws near. Of course chaotic weather is not new,but there are indications that we are witnessing an increase in strange weather.

12) There would be a move toward a global government (Daniel 2:40-44; 7:23; Revelation 13:7-8). The former Roman Empire-which encompassed present-day Europe-would revive and eventually dominate the world. The European Union has steadily moved forward in its attempt to unite Europe politically and economically. It has succeeded in creating a European parliament,a court,and a common currency.

13) Literal Babylon (formerly called Babel - Genesis 10:10) would reemerge in the land of Shinar - known today as Iraq (Zechariah 5:11; Isaiah 13). Saddam Hussein spent over 20 years rebuilding the city of Babylon. Today,with Saddam's regime overthrown,the international community is discussing how to rebuild Iraq.

14) The fact that God once flooded the earth (the Noahic Flood) would be denied (2 Peter 3:5-6). There is a mass of fossil evidence to prove this fact,yet it is flatly ignored by most of the scientific world because it was judgement from God on man's wickedness.

15) Increased interest in vegetarianism anticipated (1 Timothy 4:3-4). The New Age movement has swept the globe during the past 40 years popularizing this.

16) Many wars would erupt (Mark 13:7-8). According to Project Ploughshares,there are over 50 major armed conflicts in the world today.

17) Ethnic conflicts would be prevalent (Mark 13:7-8; Luke 21:10). Jesus used the Greek word ethnos to describe the last days' battles. Today, as never in history, we have ethnic group against ethnic group.

18) The earth would be filled with violence (Luke 17:26; Genesis 6:11-13). In the United States alone,violent crime has increased nearly 500% since 1960. Fifty years ago abortion (the violent murder of an unborn child) was illegal in most countries. Today abortion is legal in most countries and 50 million children are aborted each year.

19) Jesus foretold that there would be fearful sights (Luke 21:11). The Greek word translated fearful is phobetron, which can also be translated terror. According to the U.S. State Department, between 1981 and 2004, there were 10,605 international terrorist attatcks.

20) Multitudes would travel to and fro (Daniel 12:4). Prior to the Industrial Revolution,few individuals traveled beyond their community. Until recently,horse,foot,and boat were the only modes of transportation. Yet today we travel by bus, car, plane, train, subway, etc. Millions and millions are running to and fro just as Daniel prophesied 2500 years ago!

21) Knowledge would increase (Daniel 12:4).Today we are witnessing an explosion of available knowledge. With the advent of the internet, it is estimated that our cumulative knowledge is doubling every 5 years. This exponential increase is beyond what any one could have imagined!

22) Deadly diseases (which the Bible calls "pestilences") would be common (Matthew 24:7). Emerging diseases such as AIDS, ebola, Hanta virus, Dengue, West Nile, SARS, bird flu, etc., underscore this fact. Ironically,just a few decades ago, some scientists were forecasting that advances in medicine might soon eradicate deadly diseases.3)

23) The final generation would be open to receiving a mark on their right hand or their forehead (Revelation 13:16). Consider how the up and coming generation is tattoed,pierced and marked with all kinds of insignia.

24) A global economic system would exist (Revelation 13:16-17). This was unthinkable in the apostle John's day. Yet today,globalists in every level of government are seeking to unite the world. Connecting the world monetarily is crucial to their goal.

25) A man would control all banking and commerce (Revelation 13:17-18).Remember, this prophecy was penned 2,000 years before our computer-driven society. Yet,until recently,you couldn't have even dreamed how a person could control all commerce.

26) Famines would be common (Luke 21:11;Revelation 6:5-8). According to the United Nations, an estimated 852 million people were hungry in 2004.

27) Great signs from heaven prophesied (Luke 21:11). Unexplained phenomena in the earth and sky appear to be increasing.

28) The sun would scorch the inhabitants of the earth (Revelation 16:8-9). Though this prophecy is clearly a divine judgement on unrepentant mankind, it is interesting that a compromise in the earth's atmosphere due to nuclear war or other ecological disaster could facilitate this judgement.

29) The nation Israel would be born in one day (Isaiah 66:8) . ON May 14,1948 Israel became a nation.

30) The Jews would begin to regather in Israel (Isaiah 11:11-12; Ezekiel 37:21-22; 38:8). Over five million Jews have returned to Israel in recent times! This is unprecedented in human history. Never has a people group been dispersed for hundreds of years to every corner of the globe,and then regathered back to their homeland. Yet,God said it and He has done it before our very eyes!

31) The returning Jews would come from the north, south, east, and west (Isaiah 43:5-6; Jeremiah 31:7-10). Amazingly, nearly a million Jews have emigrated from Russia in the north. Over 90,000 Ethiopian Jews have emigrated from the south (Zepheniah 3:10). Since 1948,Jews have emigrated from Europe, Asia, the Americas, everywhere!

32) During the diaspora (the dispersion of the Jews to the four corners of the globe), Israel would become a wasteland (Deuteronomy 29:23-28; Ezekiel 36:8-11; Ezekiel 36:33-36). During the past 1900 years Israel became a nearly uninhabited, desolate wasteland.

33) Israel, once a desolate desert, would blossom in the last days and export produce to the world (Isaiah 27:6; 35;1-2; Ezekiel 36:34-36). Israel's increased rainfall and world-renowned irrigation technology have caused the land to blossom. Incredibly, as foretold, they currently export over 800 million dollars worth of fresh produce each year including over 200 million in flowers and ornamental plants!

34) Israel would prosper economically (Ezekiel 38:12-13). Amazingly, this recently regathered, tiny nation exported over 30 billion dollars worth of goods in 2004. In contrast, their neighbor Jordan exported less than 3 billion in 2004. This was inconceivable just a few decades ago!

35) Israel would once again plant vineyards on the mountains of Israel (Joel 3:18; Amos 9:13-15). Today, sweet wine flows from the Golan Heights and many other vineyards on the mountains of Israel.

36) The last days Jews would plant forests of trees. The Bible even specifies the variety of trees -- cedar, acacia, myrtle, oil, cypress, pine, and box (Isaiah 41:18-20). This has happened in our day after Israel lay waste for nearly two millenia.

37) The Hebrew language would be restored (Zepheniah 3:9). At the end of the 19th century the Zionist movement brought about the revival of Hebrew as a spoken language. In 1948, Hebrew became an official tongue of the state of Israel. Remarkable!

38) Jerusalem would be rebuilt on its own ruins (Jeremiah 30:18; Zecheriah 12:6). Since 1948, Jerusalem has been rebuilt on the old ruins -- exactly as foretold.

39) Jerusalem would be trampled by Gentiles until the times of the Gentiles are fulfilled (Luke 21:24). Since 70 A.D.,Jerusalem was trampled by Gentiles until the Jews regained control of the city during the 1967 Six-Day War.

40) Anti-Semitism worldwide anticipated (Deuteronomy 28:37; Jeremiah 29:18; 44;8). History confirms that the Jews have been persecuted as no other people group. Hitler tried to exterminate them,and the Antichrist will attempt the same during the Tribulation. Today,anti-Semitism is a global epidemic. For example, of over 700 General Assembly resolutions passed since the establishment of the United Nations in 1945, nearly 450 condemn Israel. None have been passed against any Arab country nor any Arab terrorist organizations! In other words, out of 190 nations in the UN, over 60% of all General Assembly resolutions rebuke just one memeber,Israel!

41) All surrounding nations would be united against Israel (Psalm 83:4-8; Zecheriah 12:2). This has never happened in history. Yet today, Israel is surrounded by Muslim nations sworn to her destruction. Muhammad said: "The Hour (last day) will not be established until you fight the Jews,and the stone behind which a jew will be hiding will. 'O Muslim! There is a jew hiding behind me,so kill him.' " (Sahih Al-Bukhari,vol. 4, b. 52, Hadith #177).

42) Jerusalem would be "a cup of trembling" to all surrounding peoples (Zecheriah 12:2) . Jerusalem is a small city, with no natural resources , no port, insignificant manufacturing and industrial capability, yet its very existence causes the surrounding nations to shudder. For example, UN Resolution 476 reiterates that Israel's claims to Jerusalem are null and void. As a result, most countries transferred their embassies to Tel Aviv, rather than Jerusalem -- Israel's capital.

43) Jerusalem would be "a burdensome stone" to all nations (Zecheriah 12:3). Almost daily the world news reports on the conflict over Jerusalem. The United Nations, the Vatican, and many world leaders want to make it an international city. However, God says that the city is His -- and He has given it to the Jews forever (Genesis 15:18; Leviticus 25:23; 2 Chronicles 6:6). All who burden themselves with it will be "cut in pieces".

44) Israel would be invincible (Zecheriah 12:6-9). Since 1948,tiny Israel has been attacked in 3 major wars ans 6 lesser wars, yet despite being vastly outnumbered, they have defeated all attacking foes. Even during the final battle, when it looks like Israel will be destroyed Israel will be destroyed,the LORD shall deliver her (Jeremiah 30:3-7; Zecheriah 14; Mark 13:14-20). An invincible Israel makes no sense -- unless you believe God's Word.

45) Israel would be partitioned by all nations (Joel 3:2; Daniel 11:39). This is another unimaginable prophecy! In 1947, United Nations Resolution 181 planned the partitioning of Israel. Currently, the West Bank, the Golan Heights, and Gaza, have been divided up into Jewish and Palestinian settlements.

46) The Eastern Gate would remain closed until the Messiah returns. At Christ's Second Coming, He will enter Jerusalem through the now sealed Eastern Gate (Ezekiel 44:1-3). Today, as prophesied, the Eastern Gate remains sealed.

47) The nation of Israel, which had been divided into two kingdoms since the time of Solomon (950 B.C.) -- Israel in the North and Judah in the South -- would be one united nation in the last days (Ezekiel 37:15-22) . And so it is -- Israel is one nation.

48) The returning Jews would have no king until Jesus returns (Hosea 3:4-5). As foretold, Israel has been without a king for over 2500 years. Amazingly, not only is Israel no longer a theocracy, but today the Jewish state is governed by a democracy comprised of some 30 political parties.

49) Rebuilt temple in Israel anticipated (Daniel 9:27; 12:11; Mark 13:14; 2 Thessalonians 2:4; Revelation 11:1-2). The prophet Daniel, Jesus, Paul, and John all refer to the temple in the last days. Therefore we know it must be rebuilt. Preperations by the Temple Institute are nearly complete!

50) The temple sacrifices would be reinstituted in Israel in the last days (Daniel 9:27; 12:11). Daniel foresaw the Antichrist ending the daily sacrifices. Therefore, the Jewish sacrificial system must have first been restored in the last days. Currently,the Temple Institute has created the temple furniture, vessels, and priestly garments. There are also several hundred young Jewish men in training for the Levitical priesthood.

51) A red heifer without a blemish must be born and sacraficed to purify the temple of Israel (Numbers 19:2-9). The Temple Institute is actively seeking to acquire a kosher red heifer.

52) Though Israel would be the focus of many fulfilled prophecies, most Jews would remain blind to the fact that Jesus is their Messiah until the very end (Luke 19:41-42; Luke 13:34-35; Romans 11:25-26).

This is just a letter I wrote to the man I love XD ^.^ ;) :D XD...='C...I haven't given it to him,yet,though...='C...I might not give it to him...in fact,this MAY be the ONLY letter I EVER write =O and don't give to him! =U...yes,if ever there wuz a letter I wood keep from im,it'd be this 1 ...=V =V =V =U =O =V =V =V...we'll see,though =/...=I in any event,though,w/o further adieu (it's french,I think.that's sad,I should know these things...considering,I'm part French!...LOL XD XD XD..N*E*Y), *here

Sat,9/19/09

appx.12am

Well...it's been...2 months (actually,2& a half) since I've drank any alcohol...1 month since I've heard your voice (don't wanna think about how long it's been since I've seen your face... ='C...), and up until yesterday...it had been,well,I wuz gonna say a few WEEKS--but actually,I just realized that it's been exactly a month--since I've been in my yard (front OR back),(or on my porch/the roof of my garage, or anything like that)) at night...the reason I realized it's actually been NOT THREE weeks,but actually a *month* =U =O...is b/c (like I say,until Yesterday) the last night I was out there...was ALSO the last night I got to talk to you -- I remember that night...

Jermaine,sum 1 has tried 2 break into my house THREE times (that I know of for sure ...=/...=...) in the past 2 weeks...The first time was Friday before Labor Day(which,ironically Friday was ALSO my 2 mo. anniv. of not DRINKING =U...XD...:D...it's like...well,whatever,I'll tell you L8R...what I was about to say) ,September the 4th (you see,now,what I mean about it being my 2 mo. anniv. of being completely sober...have not HAD 1 drop of licqour...since July 4th XD)...I don't wanna talk about this anymore,though...it's been 7 years,this Christmas,since my grandma died...and this is the time of year,2 yrs. ago,that I lost the man I love/loved...over something I never thought/never *dreamed*/imagined ---even in my WILDEST dreams...=C.could have such a hold on me...it was either 4,,or5 years aga (back in Febbruary,which ironically,his BIRTHday was in Feb. =*C) that I lost my Uncle David (wow,it's hard for me to even say his name ! =U ... ='''C...well,THAT sux ='''C)(can't hardly believe that...I wanted to put an angry face here but I don't know how to make 1 just of of #s and symbols,so =/...=...) to Sorosis of the liver -- from so many years of drinking...I'm not really sure how to feel about this...it was also around this time of year,2 years ago.that one of the best friends that I have ever HAD =V X'C...moved to CHINA...she is an undercover missionary,basicly =/..., using her TEACHING Degree to do it...and I may never see her...or *speak*...to her...again ='C...it has been 8 years since I have seen my dad...and almost 11 years...since he has been removed from my life...he called me (don't know how he got the number...buuuut... he did :)...) on my,I believe it was, 21st birthday (could be wrong...could've been 20th,maybe even 22nd) to tell me "Happy Birthday" I'm SURE :) ='C ='''C...my mom hung-UP in his face...I never even got to talk to him...Jermaine, I feel like I'm losing my MIND =U ...thinking about you...how I...well,I can't say (and you know ! ='C)...thinking that...what if I never see you again?..."what if I don't mean anything like - what I long for- to him?"..."what if you mean absolutely nothing... to him?...and he forgets you like yesterday's lunchmeat,or something? what if you never mean to him what he means to you?...how will you cope?..." -- "what if he never sees you?...what if he never wanted to?", "am I worth coming after?"..."will he ever?..." Jermaine,I can't do this anymore,this is...Jermaine,I don't know why I'm tell YOU this... =V...more likely than not you don't even know what I'm talking about...I think to myself "what if you're not worth missing?"... "am I worth hungering after...panting for--longing for?...AM I...will I EVER be...WORTH this burning feeling in my soul...I feel for him?...will I ever be worth this unrelenting--continual...unquenchable (Song of Solomon 8:6-7;2:16-17,3:16-17) BURNING...hunger...that I feel for him,...for his LOVE?...for him to WANT ME! !,NEED ME...have his breath taken away by me!--cause he loves me much he can hardly BREATHE/*Speak*...will he ever *cry*--cause he's so in LOVE with ME ?! ='C...Will I ever be WORTH that?...TO HIM?!!! ='C"...I don't know...I don't...* KNOW*...and it's messin me UP inside...

Hope(if only in myyyy- yyy dreams...:) ...:'(...HELP ...)

What's in a name? XD XD XD

These are just some Hebrew names that I've seen in the Bible (the more uncommon ones,not just ones like:David,or Rachel,or Jacob,or Sarah--that kind of thing,but ones like:Naphtali {Naff*tuh*lee} which means "my struggle",or Uzziel {Ooze*ee*el},which means "kid of the Lord",or Asher,which means "happy",or Elisheba,which means "consecrated to God"-- you get the picture--),and looked up the meanings of them on altavista.com.Some of them I really love! ^.^ I'll probably underline those XD:

Shiprah {Shiff*ruh} -- "to be beautiful"

Puah {pooh*uh} -- "fragrant blossom"

Zipporah {Zif*4*uh} -- "bird"

Gershom -- "sojourner", "traveler", "alien", "stranger there"

Aaron -- "mountain of strength"

Miriam {Meer*ee*um} -- "Sea of Bitterness"

Reuben {Roo*been} -- "Who sees the son" (I think they were referring to Jesus,as He is the son of God,and the Israelites/ Hebrews had been expecting Him for centuries before He came b/c God had been telling them about Him through the prophets) "Vision of the son" (another version says "Look!a son!")

Hanoch {Hey*knock XD XD XD) -- "Dedicated"

Pallu {Pal*loo} -- "marvelous", "hidden"

Hezron -- "dart of joy", "division of song"

Carmi -- "my vineyard", "lamb of the waters" (it is interesting,to note,that Jesus was referred to as "the lamb that was slain",and once when He was talking to a Samaritan woman, [the jews considered the samaritans outcasts,by the way] at a well [which was their main way of getting drinkable water back then],and He said "If you would've know who it is that asks you for a drink of water you would have asked me and I would have given you living water".He also said to her [as she was naturally confused] "whoever drinks of this water will thirst again,but whoever drinks of the water I will give him will never thirst again")

Simeon -- "that hears", "that obeys",or "that is heard"

Jemuel -- "right hand", "south wind"

Jamin {Jah*mean} -- "God's day", "son of God"

Ohad -- "praising", "confessing"

Zohar -- "white", "bright", "dryness" (???don't ask me)

Saul -- "demanded", "recquired of"

Levi {levy} -- "associated with Him" (the capital H representing God), "affectionate one" (although the "Him" mentioned is God, when his mother named him this,she did so b/c she was hoping her husband would love her b/c she bore him this son. You see, he was married to her and her sister,(the he being "Jacob", the she being "Rachel",and the one who named her son "Levi" was "Leah")but he was in love w/Rachel.He had worked for seven years to recieve Rachel as his wife,b/c he was very much in love with her--so much so,that when he met her he kissed her and then "lift up his voice and wept" b/c he thought she was so beautiful.On His wedding night,though,his father-in-law-to-be got him very drunk and had Leah waiting for him in the bedroom/bridal chamber,instead of Rachel.)

Gershon -- "his banishment" , "change of pilgrimage" (notice how one little letter can give a name a completely different meaning,i.e.Gershom means "foreigner",but Gershon means "change of pilgrimage")

Kohath -- "congregation" , "wrinkle" , "bluntness" (again--don't ask me)

Merari -- "bitter" , "to provoke"

Libni -- "white" , "whiteness"

Shimei {she*may} -- "my reputation" , "my fame"

Amram -- "exalted people" , "handful of corn"

Izhar -- "clearness" , "oil"

Hebron -- "Society" , "friendship" (there is a mountain in Israel called Hebron,and it is actually where King David reigned for the first 7 years of his rule)

Uzziel -- "strength of the Lord" , "kid of the Lord"

Mahli -- "infirmity", "harp" , "pardon"

Horseradish:Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

These are just some of my favorite quotes from Lemony Snicket's (The author of "A Series of Unfortunate Events") "Horseradish:Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid".Ironically enough, though,I find that most of His sayings aren't even bitter =O They're actually,mostly,pretty hillarious XD,I think.I've put them in the different catagories they're under in the book for your convenience ;) :

HOME

"The difference between

a house and a home is like

the difference between

a man and a woman--

it might be embarassing

to explain,

but it would be very

unusual to get

them confused"

"There are some people

who believe that home is

where one hangs one's hat,

but these people tend to

live in closets and

on little pegs."

"An old cowboy song

celebrates home on the range,

where the deer and antelope play,

but anyone who has seen deer

and antelope knows that

when they are frolicking

they scarcely look where

they are flinging their hooves

which is why cowboys have

been pummeled almost

to extinction"

"One's home is like a delicious piece of pie

you order in a resteraunt on a country road

one cozy evening--the best peice of pie you

have ever eaten in your life--and can never

find again. After you leave home,you may

find yourself feeling homesick, even if you

have a new home that has nicer wallpaper

and a more efficient dishwasher than the

home in which you grew up, and no matter

how many times you visit you may never

quite cure yourself of the fluttery,homesick

feeling in your stomach. Homesickness can

even strike you when you are still living at

home,but a home that has changed over the

years, and you long for the time--even if

such a time existed only in your imagination

--when your home was as delcious as you

remember. You may search your family

and your mind--just as you might search

dark and winding country roads--trying to

recapture the best time in your life,so that

you might cure your homesickness with a

second slice of that distant, faraway pie, but

your search will end in vain, as you have lost

the map that told you where to turn, and the

resteraunt has long ago burned down, and

the baker who made the pie has gotten tired

of waiting for you and has devoted her life

to making tomato paste instead, but she is no

good at it, and now you are lost in life, the

darkness closing in on you, with nothing but

a sad flutter in your stomach and a sour

acidic taste in your mouth."

"An american writer of

my accquaintance titled one

of his books

You Can't Go Home Again,

but he was not necessarily

talking to you"

Mothers

Okay--we aaaaall know how moms are famously prone to bragging on their own as though they were the most glorious thing anyone has ever laid eyes on (I mean more than any other child,that is).We ALSO all know how they will defend their child to the death without even knowing anything ABOUT the situation,=Owhich...ya know...can be either incredibly adorable,incredibly amusing,or incredibly aggravating,or ridiculous--all depending on what sort of a mood you are in,but I'm just NOW starting to realize to what insane proportions they will carry it.

For example--from last June to January,2009 I was living with my cousin Mandy,who,although she is only four months younger than me,acts like she IS four months old sometimes,but I suppose I digress =P in n*e*event though...and we had some interesting confrontations (we had some nice,I guess what you could call,warm,fuzzy...=P moments ...but um...for the most part we had some moments that might remind you of an episode of "The Sopranos"--nah, I'm just joshin ya,but still...there's was a good deal of drama to be sure,and there were,indeed,times we wanted to WHACK each other...just not in the same sense of the word the Sopranos might've used it XD XD XD),and in the END I was brought to remember...that this was still the very same child ...that would put her head down and start making the most awful,...pitiful...crying sounds...and then when you would get all WORRIED about her,and ask her "Mandy,are you okay?" she would jerk her head up real quick with the most disgustingly hideous,impish grin you've ever seen in your life, and say "SUCKERRRR" (again the smile was...VERY...buh*huh* huh* *shiver* well I'll just say it: creepy *shiver*)yes,this was the saaaame child...the only difference?...she grew UP...yeah, so anyway,yes,nowadays when I deal with her I keep that in mind =/,but in n*e*event--this woman(IF you can call her that) is prone to some very ugly mood swings,temper tantrums,and emotional outbursts--PLUS,she was always borrowing my money and not repaying me and then threatening to throw me out n*e*time I didn't BEND to her WILLLLL! =U =V =O yeah,she was quite the delectable(I'm using kinder words here XD) nut =/...well,oneday me and her mom were talking and she was telling me Mandy's complaints about me,and how she was always trying to help people and getting screwed over by them,and,basically,for me to please not screw her over also. LOL XD XD XD as IF =U...heh...but movin on...so there's one ridiculous thing that I heard her mother say on more than one occasion,the irony never escaping me,of course o.O O.o...

Okay,so next scenario:One of my other aunts(who's really just Mandy's aunt,b/c it's her mom's sister,and I'm related to Mandy through my uncle--my mom's brother--not her mom), Martie,has three children: a 24(like me,almost 25 year old) year old,named Sarah(whose name,if you don't know,means "Princess"...now...we all love Sarah...but...well,let's just leave it at that...),who has a 7 year old,named Jimmer,whom her mother raises,and a 3 week old baby.Wait,now that I think about it she only has TWO children! =O--I was thinking Jimmer was her youngest child,but Jimmer is Sarah's son... okay,well anyway...Then I think her son,Ryan,is older than Sarah,but anyway...Now Sarah is rude,selfish,mean,ugly (behaviorwise,I mean),beligerent,hurtful...etc...she's rarely invited to social functions in the family b/c of the fact that she's so rude,and she always ends up saying something bitchy to sum*1--sometimes,even a child,such as my FOUR year old cousin,Taylor(Mandy's daughter,who is absolutely precious ^.^ but then again aren't they all? =...but this child...I love her so...but anyway).The other day my Aunt Martie,I hate saying this but,...she had to go over to Sarah's to make sure she wasn't ignoring her three week old baby girl ='C...so you get the picture?...and yet her mother,my Aunt Martie,said to me the other day--of my cousin Mandy and her mother,my Aunt Dena(who,for whatever reason,is my favorite Aunt)--"oh,yeah, they NEVER help Sarah!" (well WHO could BLAME them,lady?! =U...yet and still ='C...it really is all so sad =''C )

Then there's my mom: like TWO YEARS ago =U my (now ex-boyfriend--at the time pre-boyfriend stage of our relationship) FELL on my left thumb (which I am a lefty, but) and he came down on it with SO much weight, 170lbs worth to be exact,that I ended up having to have it put in a cast.Now, it was just a spraign(or however you spell that word--whatever, y'all know what I mean),but it needed to be put in a cast in order to heal back into it's normal...whatever!=O...I am SO tired of not being able to think of words!=U =V O.o o.O =P WHATEVER! =U UGH!...anyway...well,my MOM takes more than just a normal jealous mother disliking to Jermaine who is the light of my life,or at least always HAS been since we got together a couple of years ago (you know something?... I just realized it has actually been THREE years! =O oh my gush,wow--since he accidentally hurt my hand),and she swears up and down that he did it "ON PURPOSE!" she says (amongst other things I really don't care to repeat,or even take the time to talk about any longer),which he absolutely did not...to make matters worse,before he plopped down in the seat next to me (see he was perched atop the van seat in front of me and he just shy of six feet high,and I am just shy of five, besides the fact that he,at the time weighed in at 170 and I at around 105,AND the fact that he was sitting on top of the back part of the seat,up in the air,and I was sunk down in my seat) he said to me "move your hand",now...before he spoke those words to me I was dozing off a little I think,for I dumbly moved my hand as slowly as humanly possible across the air and past my face, like uh-duh "okay,why am I moving my hand again?"...just watching it move ever-so-slow-motion-like from one side of the seat PAST where he was about to plop his big,clumsy butt next to mine (which,I can't really judge cuz mine is just a small,clumsy butt instead of his big,black, delectably georgous one *.* ^.^ XD :D can't find the right face oh well),so of course,well, what actually happened was that his right armpit came down with the full force of his weight OVER my left thumb,which was poised in the air,being the dumbass that I am O.o o.O.

So,you see,it is flatly amazing to me...how,even,in the most ridiculously ridiculous of circumstances...mothers continously PERSIST in defending their emotionally disturbed,or emotionally void,spastic,drastic,freakazoid,did you escape from the nice place with the padded walls?,haphazard children...they seperate themselves from all reality of the matter,and continue at a sickening rate to see their children as always the innocent little angel who just,oh Woe is ME! =O WHY, O heavens! Why are you picking on that precious,darling,little innocent child?!...it's really kinda sweet,I guess...in a... disturbingly crazy sort of way...hmmm...in any event

I have come to the conclusion...that mothers are...ridiculous...

beyond all comparison...

just...

ridiculous...

Dribble mixed w/usefelness

The top 10 things I've learned this year:

1.When(or if,whichever you like) a customer comes into your place of business--that is,not the place you own,but the place in which you spend your dreary hours under the name of work, in the last place on earth you'd choose to be,unless you were absolutely desperate for money (or were into some sick,twisted form of self-punishment/abuse to an hitherto unseen,and--in fact--OBSCENE...extent =U)A.K.A your job,if you will...and says to you "yeah,I'm one baaa-aa-aad Bitch",DON'T say "yeah,you ARE kind of a Bitch :D"...becuase she just might be very good friends with your boss,and have you yanked.=I

2.Mother's don't always care when they should.

3.Contrary to whatever ill-concieved notions of mother-child relationships are supposed to be like are floating around in your dome,or may be concretely engraved on your soul--mothers do not even always KNOW their own child,no matter how desperately the child may want to be known by this parent.

4.The two above facts can be almost shattering,if you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ,who got up on o roman cross created for criminals and died for you.

5.No matter how much heart,and effort you put into avoiding them...there will,inevitably,be at least a few times in your LIFE...when there will,in fact,be not one earthling (human,if you will) around you who can relate to on an even halfway intimate level,or understand or dare-I-say,even comprehend what you're feeling or going through. (which,in my own personal opinion,is often due to their grave lack of interest,or concern for your livelihood i.e. quality of life/emotional/spiritual/mental well-being,but I'm sure is also in LARGE part due to the depressing fact...that A)they are not you,so they already can't understand the depth,intensity,and range of your feelings and how they effect your over-all health and progress in this life B)They're not going through --how and WHEN--you are going through it.)

6.You can fill up as many notebooks full of deep-felt poetry, songs, (every 1 of which may have even come from your own heart and not that of a stranger w/whom you just strongly relate through their poetry)journals,long-lessons,and great quotes,and inspirational thoughts/reflections as the largest library in the world could contain,but in the end,if you can't make peace with yourself,God,and somehow(please let me know IMMEDIATELY if you manage this next one,and please...leave a detailed description of how you were able to accomplish it-- any important factors that may be involved,such as--you can only come across it once every fifth leapyear when the sky is bright purple with little pink hearts all over it that all say on them "I love you,I love you,I love you!",with one great big one in the center with your name on it,and everyone is walking on their heads,with one shoe off and one shoe on,and both their hands tied behind their back)the WORLD...then you will find no relief.

7.Relief can be found in only one of three--1)God,2)His son, Jesus our savior,3)The Holy Spirit--which are rolled into One, known as "The Trinity"

8.Poetry,and songs and journaling and inspirational stories, music,and landscape/scenery can be helpful(i.e.used,and provided by God)

9.Quotes are good too sometimes.

10.If I don't impart to every person I can,while I'm still here on this earth,that God/Jesus is "near at heart to the brokenhearted",and,in fact,"binds up the brokenhearted",and that He sent His son to do so through His sacrificial death,and subsequent supernatural ressurection...then I have served my purpose in life,and I will not be content,and would be utterly unsatisfied if I failed to do so. XD

This one is,I guess, called "If you think you know me",or "sorry bout ya :D",whichever you prefer

"If you on't know what color my eyes are

sorry bout ya

And if ya think ya know me (ha ha XD )

sorry bout ya

And if you tryin to get me to play a part

sorry bout ya

and if you tryin to step on my scene

sorry bout ya

and if you tryin to get to my heart

(maaaaaaan)sorry bout ya!

When I was just a itty-bitty

somebody told me--anything I wanted in this life--I had to take it

cuz they wouldn't give it to me

Now I'm sittin' here, twenty three,some years on down the road,I waited patiently

I'm sittin' on my scene,I'm the queen,I'm serene

I keep it peachy-keen ;)

Just go to show ya--some people wanna ACT like they know ya--Come to find out...

they just wanted to own ya(ohhhhhhh!=O XD)

Sooooorrry! what you're lookin at's private property ;),I'm the one that to

get to me you got to go through Elohimi

That's right!,so get to steppin'--Go on, do ya thin, an

If you on't know what color my eyes are

sorry bout ya

And if you think you know me

What would you say?

Well,I'm gonna finish that song I started writing the other day--I mean, it IS FINISHED,but I'll finish putting it on here later.It's just that it's so long I never feel like typing it all at once--but I will finish it. For now,though,I'm gonna type up some of the other songs that I've written in the past year b/c I know them by heart and therefore don't have to look at the words,which makes it a loooot eeeasier =U anywho, here's one of them called "What would you say?":

"Okay,so wait,so now lemme get this straight--so you say(you say,you say,you say):

'can't be a mistake things ended up this way' an you

say: 'people don't change(don't change,don't change)

still,you say,gotta be a reason I still feel this way, an

I say 'I still think you my soulmate',now what would

you say...

What would you say if I told you

I dream about you almost every night?

What would you say if I said 'I wish I could hold

you tight?'...

What would you say if I told you I can't get you out my mind?

What would you say if I said 'I got to get you back in my life?'...

Now I know,and you know...

God's always got His reasons,and everything has it's season...

Still I got this deep-down kinda feelin(feelin,feelin,feelin)

This love is more than just temporary,or momentary--Oh,Yes,love is really quite scary!oh,someone please prepare me,but what would you say?...

What would you say if I told you I dream about you almost every night?

What would you say if I said 'I wish I could hold you tight'?

What would you say if I told you I can't get you out my mind?

What would you say if I said 'I got to get you back in my life'?...

back in my life...right here by my side...Yeeeeah-ahhh

...these are matters of the heart--think it should take somethin lil' bigger to tear us apart--

but it's not up to just me...if we swim or we sink,so tell me what you think(you think)

and what would you say?...

(y'all know the rest ;)

A song I just recently wrote

What the ...?MOTHER!...

goose XD XD XD :D

Ot-oh,here come mother goose

Watch out y'all there's a goose on the loose

mother goose on the loose y'all

Watch yo back cuz -- if you can fly, they gon try n clip yo wings

Try to steal your voice, if they know you gotta song to sing --

This is real life y'all, This ain't no Dr.Suess:

" One fish,

Two Fish,

Red Fish,

Blue fish"

Ain't no -- "Hey diddle,the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon", and

--Here pretty soon--

The spoon gon run away with the dish, and

You can do all your wishin'--

That's fine, I won't try n change yo mind, got better things to do wit my time...

Can't you see how this is all just flyin' by?... ='C

It can -- WILL --all be gone in the twinklin' of an eye!...

So in the end,

PLEASE know this the kinda world in which:

If you don't like what they sayin', they'll happily tell you-- you can promptly introduce yo face

to their fist...

Surely you no stranger to this! =U

You'll get picked on, hated, n dissed

So when the fire get hot --hotter than snot!--cuz they think they some hotshots --

Oh yeah, they hotshots O.o o.O --

Of whiskey,and burban

To the soul, spirit -- like a fire that's burnin' you from the inside...

OUT,slowly growin' --ALL the WHILE, we

SHOULD be KNOWIN'! --

not to take part in a world that's not so slowly turnin'

AWAY...

From the One in whose image they were made...

Choose the blazing sun, instead of the sweetest shade,

All the while,convincin' their own fickle minds

they got better things to do with their day...

Alright then,like BK--go on head an have it yo way,

But you ain't got mines!

I WILL rest in HIS dwelling place!

And I/my spirit WILL wake to see His smiling face

And I REFUSE...to ever stop running this race...

And of His increasingly abundant mercies I will ever taste

I refuse to labour in vain ='C,

and I refuse...to sit idle by while His hands are outstretched

offering me His grace,

And I WILL rest,and rejoice in eternity with the One,

MY sweet LORD, and HIS Son -- Jesus Christ -- THE

One...whose face/heart've NEVER changed... ^.^

Put up with this CRUD while you must,

Then lay it down n bury it in the dust,

cuz,Baby--You the uppercrust XD XD XD XD

And take heart cuz HE has put one's here to

ASSIST anything n Everything you Can HAVE--cuz HE told you YOU could

XD XD XD XD and you know He Wouldn't have said it, if you couldn't

So NOW, What's GOOD?!!! XD XD XD

Don't you know?...you ROYALTY! b/c you're HIS! He chose you for His family

Even in the midst of your greatest n deepest sins--He adopted you in love

And who IS love?...

But our good,and great,and gracious God the father up above?...

and He only makes that which is glorious

and no matter what you're told, I know He made you!

so WHAT does THAT make you?!

don't let 'em get you thinkin you gotta be the fast and the furious

Just slow it down,baby girl,you don't belong to this world...

and just in case you curious...The answer to the question I was posin' is"

That makes you princes/princesses

Don't pay the haters no mind

Just keep yo head up,keep the faith,and persist

The Good Book say: "Suffering produces character, character hope, hope Faith, and faith Perseverance"

We are NOT to be side-tracked by the severness of the sickness

Of the world we're livin' in

Oh YES! it's serious

But the wisdom and the riches of God's riches are mysterious

And just cuz there's ones all around you tryin to take you out, Please don't get delirious

Even when you feel like you the weariest

Of all the saints

Please know you got all it takes

And please don't ever grow weary of givin Him all your praise--

cuz it's your praise that takes you up out this earthly place

and He deserves you highest,your flyest...so please don't close your eyes and pass right by it

He'll dry your eyes from cryin...

and on that ,y'all -- if I'm lyin I'm dyin,

n speakin of lions --

my Jesus is the greatest of all the lions

in the spiritual jungle,

yet,for you,He became the passover lamb --

allowed Himself to be led to the slaughter...

for you,my sons and daughters!...

so that once you knew about His grace,...

and looked full into His loving,and bleeding face...

You could take His hand,...

and He could show you that His plan is grand,

He's your number 1 fan :D ...

You know, on HIS Word you can always stand!

Take you're two feet,and

on Christ,the Solid Rock,please plant...them,

And,you know,He'll never allow you to be swallowed up or taken away by the sinking sand

This is actually just my career goal essay for my scolarship application and I'll probably erase it later today, if not right after I print it. LOL XD XD XD O.o =P XD :)

I have wanted to be a singer ever since I could even talk!...I feel like I can feel it in my veins...music is...my life... it's like breathing to me...if I can't sing -- I can't BREATHE...I feel it in my soul -- This is what I'm meant to do...with my life...This is so IMPORTANT to me. If you give me the SLIGHTEST chance -- you WILL NOT regret it. I feel music in every fiber of my being...I want this SO bad I can taste it, and I won't back down until I have my dream ;). Life is too short...to not go after what you love...and this...is what I love...I've never wanted anything more...THIS...will be the sum of all my dreams coming true...when I can get up on that stage...and share with my audience, what my heart beats for -- what it's all about for me...someone once wrote me a note telling me that my voice was "phenomenal", and in that note, she said "you have this -- ability -- to make everyone else around you feel what you're feeling when you sing"..."I can feel the passion behind everything you sing" she said "that's what I love about you"...that's what I'm here for -- that's what I wanna do with my life...I wanna get up on that stage -- or in that recording booth and I wanna draw people in...to my world...make them feel what I feel -- see what I see -- hear what I hear -- in the rhythm of life/love...and make money at it...:) ...I remember when I was a child I was like "wow! so you can get paid to do this? !" =O, and they're like "yeah :)...and the better you are at it -- the more moeny you can make doing what you love" :D...

In conclusion, music...is everything to me...it's everything I feel... believe... know... see... hear...love...want -- have experienced in life...everything I am...and am about...and it comes out -- almost every time I open my mouth...no matter how HARD I TRY to hold it back... please...just take one chance on me...if you're not impressed...I'll walk away...no -- no, I WON'T...because I can't imagine ever walking away -- from this...I'll work harder -- I will be better...and I will -- get it right...;)